‘Artemis Fowl’ Review

The initial trailers for Artemis Fowl did not do much to garner much excitement. Even though it is based on a very popular series of books, fans of the books seemed skeptical that it was not going to follow the books well. Personally, I just thought it looked like a generic young adult fantasy movie. It turns out that people were wrong. It is much worse than people had imagined.

Plot

Artemis Fowl is about a kid who is a prodigy. He is intelligent beyond his years and can outwit others very easily. When his father is kidnapped, he discovers an entire secret world of fantastical beings that his father kept hidden from him. He also discovers that his dad is a master thief who has stolen tons of archives over the years. In order to save his dad, Artemis needs the help of the fairy world in order to find an item that can free his dad

It’s not all terrible

I’ll start with some positives. The visuals of this movie are pretty cool. It’s colorful, vibrant, and the CGI doesn’t look too terrible. The fairy world was cool, although I wish that we could have had a more in-depth look into it. There are also some cool fantastical gadgets and weapons that are used. There is some creativity in this movie in its visual design.

I also liked Lara McDonnell as an ambitious young fairy who is trying to become a successful soldier in the fairy army. She was really the only character with who I found myself having any real connection. I found her story more interesting than Artemis Fowl’s.

So many bad decisions

Nobody is really bad in this movie, although I will say that Ferdia Shaw was not the most convincing protagonist. He is supposed to be a somewhat menacing kid as he outwits his opponents but I never really got that in this movie. The strangest acting choices actually come from Josh Gad and Judi Dench who for some reason are doing this weird grunting voice throughout the whole movie. I like both of these actors, but their voices were just weird. 

There is also a CGI effect that Gad does on his jaw that is going to haunt children because it looks so bad. I honestly feel bad for Dench because between this and Cats, she is not having the best streak of films right now and she is royalty in Hollywood.

The story is rushed and hard to follow

The biggest weakness of this movie is the plot. The movie is trying to cram so much into its 95-minute runtime and it flies by. There is constant exposition to the point where it just felt lazy. There are scenes of characters explaining things that each character already knows. It is very lazy writing and sometimes they say it so quickly that I have no idea what happened. 

The movie is constantly just flying by, which is normally a compliment, but because the plot is so in-depth and detailed, I need actual time to digest it. Also, Gad provides narration throughout which just adds to the very lazy writing of exposition. 

Some of his narration also introduces characters so quickly that you have no time to actually get to know them. The emotional moments completely fell flat because while I knew about the characters, I didn’t really know them on a personal level, so I felt no attachment to them.

This really should have been a longer movie because there was a lot that needed to be explained and the movie had no time to explain it. The movie cuts back and forth between the real world and the fairy world at strange times. I can’t focus on Fowl’s story because it will cut to the fairies for a while and then back and forth. The villain in this movie is also terrible. 

It’s just a hooded figure with a not-so-creepy voice who has vague reasoning for why he wants to destroy humanity. He was not threatening in the slightest. The movie is also resolved in a laughable manner. The big climax is easily avoided and then the movie just ends. It looks like it wants to set up a sequel but after this reception, I highly doubt that is going to happen.

Final verdict

Overall, Artemis Fowl is a misfire in almost every way. There is an over-reliance on exposition, there is no investment with any characters, and the plot is too convoluted for its very brief runtime. 

While I was never bored, I was constantly questioning what was happening since the movie was going too fast. The only positive I have for this movie is the visuals for the most part. Gad’s jaw will still haunt me for a while. It is not one of the worst movies I have ever seen, but it is still pretty bad. Book fans deserve better.

Final score: 1/5